Questions to ask before marriage
Good questions before marriage cover the things that are hard to change later, such as how you each practise, when you want to marry, how involved your families will be, children, work and money, and where you'll live. Ask the big ones early and kindly. The questions below are grouped by topic.
Faith and practice
- How do you practise day to day?
- How would you like that to grow?
- Which madhab, if any, does your family follow?
- What would a practising home look like to you?
Timing
- Would you like to be married within six months, a year or two years?
- What needs to happen first, such as exams, savings or a move?
Family and the wali
- Who in your family should be involved, and when?
- Would your parents or wali like to meet early on?
- How close do you want to live to your family?
Children
- Do you want children, and when?
- If either of you has children already, how would you raise them together?
Work and money
- What do you do and where do you see your work going?
- How would you share household costs and savings?
- What do you think about debt, including mortgages?
Where to live
- Which area do you want to live in?
- Would you relocate for work or family?
Past marriages
- If you've been married before, what would you like me to know?
- What did you learn that matters for the next one?
Everyday life
- What does a normal week look like for you?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- What are you hoping a spouse will bring to your life?
Using them at a first meeting
A first meeting at the shofa table usually runs 30 to 60 minutes, depending on the cafe. Pick the two or three questions that matter most to you and leave the rest for later. shofa.social profiles already show marital status, children, practice, marriage timeframe and whether someone is happy to bring a chaperone.
See a first meeting for marriage, step by step, or read how shofa.social works.